... I just found out there's no such thing as the real world...

So tired of sleepless nights. I could try to sleep, I suppose... But I know the outcome. I'll lay and toss and turn all night, my mind running rampid. This is all my nights have been consisting of. I'm lonely. Incredibly. Not that I don't have friends to surround myself with. I seen the majority of them daily. Its just different. A different kind of lonely. And I feel so stupid for being as down and out as I am for he comes home very soon. I just can't help but look at it as this is only the beginning. He comes home and I'll be complete && happy again... until I have to say goodbye again within the next 6-9 months. Only this time I'm saying goodbye for at the very least a year. I put up a good front but I'm barely dealing with him being gone for just 3 and a half months. I'm sorry to rant and rave about this so much. But I figure its better me being mopey on here versus expressing all of that negativity toward him. Lord knows that last thing I want is to put any amount of stress on him. I know the distance thing is just as hard on him, if not harder...

This insomnia thing, though, it really isn't working for me. I'm getting little tasks completed though by it. For instance tonight, I scrubbed and cleaned out my entire fridge. How productive, huh?! lol. I know, pretty lame. Maybe the apartment will be spotless once he comes home... just in time for us to move out of it...

Why does it always seem like when things are finally falling into place, you are where you want to be with your friends/family... Things are going good, it always tends to occur at or around the time when it is all about to be uprooted. I don't want to lose the relationships that I have with the people that I have them with. This summer I did accomplish one thing - I am more stronger and close to my friends than I have ever been, as well as my family. && I've been dying for that for so long. Now, I'm moving away from it all. Its awesome to always second guess what you truely want, isn't it? I wish I was a kid again sometimes. Having an adult to follow you around telling you to do this and not to do that was nice. Things were soo much easier. Why did I want to grow up so fast? I still feel like I'm 16 in highschool, trying to figure everything out.

A friend just gave me some advice. Some very good advice actually. He phrased it in a way that I just never thought of before. Of course, being having a husband married to the army, my life is never going to be really all that steady, unless you call bouncing around from place to place every 2 to 3 years steady... Back to what he was telling me, he told me that once I get to where I am going to not look for it to be like home, because it won't. He advised me to go out and explore && find out what makes the place great for what it actually is.. that no matter where I am, it's all the same... Its the people and what I do with it that will make it amazing. Its very simple advice, but my mind just doesn't think that way sometimes. It opened my eyes just a little bit. I have to have this outlook living the type of life that I am going to be living. Just to think, I am going to meet a bunch of wonderful people in my life && I am going to see a lot of different things, I need && want to make the absolute best of it.

I Am Finding That Is Not The Way I Want My Story To End...

Why is it that you never ever seem to really learn? In your head and in your heart you truely know that certain people will never ever fully change. If their selfish, chances are they are never going to be selfless. If they constantly think of themselves first, well, you get the picture... So why is it that we always seem to give those people chance after chance, time and time again, even after they have proven to us that is simply how they are? Why do we put hope in our hearts for those people, when they truely do not deserve it && the people who do, if they slip up once, that's all it takes to shut them out? Human nature. I'll never understand it.

As I've said time and time again, I'm so sick of longing. I will be happy when I never have to count the days down to anything ever again. However, that just isn't going to happen, not with what I'm referring to at least.

I'll be in Hawaii in approximately a month. Its crazy how time flies by when you look back on it... My soldier && I will finally be able to begin our new little journey together. Lord knows I've done nothing but looked forward to it for the past 96 days. I keep looking at it as a fresh new start, literally in a brand new place where I know nobody. Endless possibilites, right? Enrolling in school, meeting new people, letting them form new && fresh opinions of me, the person I am now, not the person I used to be, sounds very appealing to me. Starting my life with my husband sounds even more wonderful. Maybe I'll finally discover myself. Just maybe.