I've been focusing on far too many negative things in my life lately. Yes, my mother is difficult -- my relationship with her will never be normal. We will never be on the same page with things. She is far too set in her own ways to ever change. Maybe one day if she ever decides she wants to fix her life, she may change. But I've grown to accept that fact. & I've grown to realize that it is NOT my place to help her fix herself. Support is one thing, but a person will only begin to change if that is what they truely desire. Oh, yeah, and most importantly, I know that I am not the reason she is the way she is -- she makes her own decisions, her own choices. Her life reflects only on what she has or has not put into it. And my husband, we've already spent the majority of our first year of marriage apart. The next chapter in our lives is a huge one. Its going to bring a lot of change. He's going to Afghanistan, I'll be home, taking care of our baby. Distance has only brought us closer, but this is going to be a whole other battle. But I'm aware of this -- I know the struggles it is going to bring. I know we are strong though. Very strong. I'm just counting on God bringing him home safe to us, then we can begin our next journey. However, that is besides the point. (I always trail off topic when talking about this deployment...) I have too many positives in my life to let the negatives drag me down. Its one thing when I can control them, but I've learnt I'm fighting against things that aren't going anywhere. Therefore, what else can you do but simply embrace them? Take them for what they are worth. Everything happens for a reason. I'm a firm believer in that phrase. Even if by some chance I don't understand the reasoning behind the occurance. In the end, I have faith that everything will turn out fine.
I doubt I will ever successfully be able to show you what you mean to me. You continue to bring out the best in me throughout the years we've been together and you never make me feel less than perfect (even though I'm a far cry from it). I've never had that. My entire life I've felt as if I need to live up to somebody's expectations -- but never you. You accept me for who I am and expect nothing more. You are my endless support system, my husband, my hero, and my best friend. I am so proud of you and everything that you are doing. I admire your courage and your will to keep pressing through. I can do nothing but anticipate our lives together once our lovebug arrives and things start to fall into place for us. I love you, always and forever..