Thursday, February 17, 2011

I didn't think that it would hit me as hard as it did. Seeing written on paper finalized it. Made it real. Too real. Devastating.
He will be safe, they all will be safe. They'll make it back home & this deployment will just be another milestone passed. But that's what people are supposed to say., right? When they are attempting to make you feel better & they have nothing else better to say. One should keep that frame of mind, nonetheless. For others, it simply isn't that easy.
I expected this once the contract was signed. I've known it for sure for months. Therefore I have no clue as to why it is affecting me so horribly now, at this moment. Perhaps because that date is set. The official countdown begins. I know when I'm going to have to say goodbye. I'm not sure how I am going to do it. I'm not sure I can handle it. People get through these things. That I am aware of. There's no written *how to* list. Its just something you do. It basically comes down to the fact that I don't know how strong I am. Yes. At the moment, I am focusing on myself. I know my life is going to change drastically but not nearly as much as his but (minus having the baby) him being absent from my life is as drastic as it could get for me. It is my worst nightmare.
It will get better for me. This I know. Awaiting him leaving on top of my hormones being out of whack is torture. I just have to be strong. Not so much for myself, but for him. For not only is he my rock, I am his. My well being affects him if not more than his own. God give me strength and courage. I feel as if I'm lacking it majorly.