Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Everyday is a new day. That is the only way you can look at it. It can bring in wonderful things or well, not so wonderful things. You are going to have your ups and downs. Some days you may smile when inside you are falling apart. Other days you may smile and really mean it. And thats ok. Its ok to be happy and hell, its ok to cry. Just realize that this is only temporary. As long as 6 months or 7 or a year seems (& most of the time, it DOES seem like an eternity), it is not forever. He WILL come home. Things WILL be normal again. You WILL get past this milestone. I am doing everything possible to remind myself of that everyday. Especially on those "downer" day, like today. I woke up this morning, instantly on the verge of tears. (Still I am not able to distinguish pregnancy hormonal-ness from simply being emotional and missing him.) He hasn't made it to his very last destination yet but should be there rather soon. Hence, communication will soon be cut to the very minimum, if not completely. (Yes. I know. Be thankful I'm even getting to hear from him. Which I am, by the way.) I would love to talk to him more, but the occasional text that I've been receiving since he left is just very comforting and well, very much looked forward to. And it pulls at my heart more and more knowing that I'm going to have to give that up. Granted, I know it comes with the territory. I just don't have to like it. It makes the fact that he really isn't here, well, suck. On a bright note, I've made it half-way! On my pregnancy, that is. Ultrasound next week. I'm so excited to see my lil man again -- only this time, he will be a bit bigger :) I can't believe how quickly those first 5 months flew by. If only these next 4 would do the same. I'm beginning to get impatient. (Yes. Already. I know... I'm in for it.) But I'm ready to meet him -- face to face, hold him, spoil him :) For now, however, I'll enjoy my sleep (or should I say, the very little sleep that I do receive.)

Mornings like these are the worst. I just can't get it together. I feel like a complete and total emotional wreck.