So tired of sleepless nights. I could try to sleep, I suppose... But I know the outcome. I'll lay and toss and turn all night, my mind running rampid. This is all my nights have been consisting of. I'm lonely. Incredibly. Not that I don't have friends to surround myself with. I seen the majority of them daily. Its just different. A different kind of lonely. And I feel so stupid for being as down and out as I am for he comes home very soon. I just can't help but look at it as this is only the beginning. He comes home and I'll be complete && happy again... until I have to say goodbye again within the next 6-9 months. Only this time I'm saying goodbye for at the very least a year. I put up a good front but I'm barely dealing with him being gone for just 3 and a half months. I'm sorry to rant and rave about this so much. But I figure its better me being mopey on here versus expressing all of that negativity toward him. Lord knows that last thing I want is to put any amount of stress on him. I know the distance thing is just as hard on him, if not harder...
This insomnia thing, though, it really isn't working for me. I'm getting little tasks completed though by it. For instance tonight, I scrubbed and cleaned out my entire fridge. How productive, huh?! lol. I know, pretty lame. Maybe the apartment will be spotless once he comes home... just in time for us to move out of it...
Why does it always seem like when things are finally falling into place, you are where you want to be with your friends/family... Things are going good, it always tends to occur at or around the time when it is all about to be uprooted. I don't want to lose the relationships that I have with the people that I have them with. This summer I did accomplish one thing - I am more stronger and close to my friends than I have ever been, as well as my family. && I've been dying for that for so long. Now, I'm moving away from it all. Its awesome to always second guess what you truely want, isn't it? I wish I was a kid again sometimes. Having an adult to follow you around telling you to do this and not to do that was nice. Things were soo much easier. Why did I want to grow up so fast? I still feel like I'm 16 in highschool, trying to figure everything out.
