Saturday, April 2, 2011

So far, I think I'm keeping a pretty good outlook on things. Granted, we haven't gotten too far at all into the deployment, but I'm doing better than expected. Once I get the apartment & have more time to myself, I'm sure things will unravel a bit more -- when you are alone, you think more & you have way more time to worry -- but I'm not looking that far ahead. One day at a time, right? & today, well, was a good day :) I promise to try to keep all of the "this is so hard, I don't think I can do this, I miss him too much..." pitty posts to a minimum. I know there are many of you wonderful ladies who have survived and/or are surviving this very same things therefore I am relieved to know it is possible :) Just some days, as you all know, are a lot better than others.

I left today. I can't even put into words how heartbreaking it was. Saying goodbye can be quite painful, but this hurt unlike anything I have ever felt before. The entire day, a huge lump remained in my throat and all one had to do was mention what was to come in a matter of hours and the tears would promised to come. The ride to the airport was quiet and tense. The goodbye was awful. Feeling his arms around me and knowing it was going to be the last time I felt his embrace for a very long time was overbearing. I didn't want to let him go. I know I looked like a crazy woman -- going through security, heading towards my gate, constantly looking over my shoulder, feeling his eyes on me as I walked away -- myself in tears each time. Seeing the pain on his face as he himself tried not to cry was worse than any of it. I must have broke down into tears a dozn times on the way to my gate -- onlookers staring at me like I was derranged or something. Now, Im just waiting. Waiting for this emptiness and constant need to cry to pass. Lord knows missing him will not get easier, but hopefully passing the time will. I'm already counting the days until we will together again -- til our little family can be, well, a family. Please keep him and his unit unit in your thoughts and prayers.