Monday, May 17, 2010

Tonight just isn't a good night for me. Its 1 am and all I can do is think. I can't turn my mind off and relax. I feel so confused and scared of what the future holds. I keep thinking about his deployment. Yes, I know, he hasn't gotten his orders, he hasn't even gotten out of boot camp yet. But its just knowing that he will and soon enough, he will get his orders and that dreaded date will be marked. Its been exactly two weeks && I can't even explain how lonely I feel && how much I miss him. My phone is my best friend. I keep it with me 24/7 in hopes that he will call so I can hear his voice, even if its only for a couple of seconds. I know he is going through more hell than I am, at least I have familiar faces to surround myself with, but its hard. And for some reason, tonight is the night that I've chosen to sit and think about the future. I'm surviving now, even though I'm miserable. At least I do know that he is safe and taken care of. How am I going to make it when he is deployed for a year && I have NO clue what is going on one day from the next? I know things like this you just have to get through when they get here. You can't fret about them nor can you prepare yourself. But its so difficult not too. I just wish things would have been easier for us. I kind of wish we would have felt like we had more options. Ugh. Night's like tonight, I just need to be in his arms.