It has been brought to my attention, on more than one occasion, that I tend to speak without thinking. From personal experience, I know words can be brutal. However, I never thought I would be the one pulling that trigger. When and where I lost my sensitivity, I've yet to discover. Who would have thought not thinking before you speak would be such a hard habit to break? Tonight, however, I do believe I did just fine. Sometimes I wonder when is the time for me to unload and when should I keep quiet. A friend made several unnecessary comments tonight -- partially regarding things she has never experienced therefore her opinion means nothing, and the other part, was simply rude. At least when I spit off at the mouth, my words simply come out wrong and for the most part, I don't mean to sound like such a bitch. Tonight, however, I feel as if the comments were directed at me in a mean way. Oh well. I'm threw with focusing and dealing with individuals that mean nothing. Friends do not mistreat friends, right? Therefore, if she continuously disrespects me, it shouldn't be too difficult to take our "friendship" to an "acquaintance" level. Fine by me either way. I'm on a high. My world is almost back to perfect. Nothing and nobody is going to take that from me.

These past few days have been... different. I don't know how else to categorize it. My thought process isn't right... It's very off. I cannot seem to get into the swing of things. No motivation (when I have every reason to have motivation...) I just feel like I cannot dig myself out of this huge whole, instead, I just keep digging myself a little bit deeper.

I'm working on keeping my head up. I can't even say that I am so down because he is gone. Granted, it is far from the easiest thing in the world, but I have it engraved in my mind that we do not have too much longer. I'm not too sure the reason. All I'm certain of is that I do not like it. Not one bit.