Wednesday, February 9, 2011

-- That Kind Of Love's The Killing Kind --

The picture thing is going to be put on hold... I doubt I'll be on here too much now that I'm back with the hubbie, too much to do in such a small amount of time. The last thing I need at the moment is to be reminded of how fast time is passing by. Now after he leaves for deployment, that will completely change.
I've been home for a couple of days now. I feel... different. Almost like walking on egg shells, so to speak. The subject of him leaving has been completely avoided. Its too painful. He's so upset he's leaving not only me but the baby. If it's even brought up, the subject is quickly changed. Truthfully, I don't know how I feel about it. The very thought of him leaving and all of the things leading up to it, makes me tear up & that huge lump in my throat forms & refuses to go away. Like yesterday, he brought home forms -- this whole little folder of stuff -- all in regards to his funeral & what needs to be done in case he becomes a casualty of war. I'm supposed to be filling it out for him (yes, he is that type of husband -- leave it to the wife to fill out any & I do mean any, type of paperwork) but it's just been sitting on the table. I can't bring myself to touch it more less fill it out. Its silly, right? Its just paper. It doesn't mean something is going to happen to him -- it doesn't mean that it will not -- but for whatever reason, at this moment in time, I can't even come to grips with the idea of it... Blah.
Onto a different subject, I finally got in touch with Schofield's clinic! I was very shocked at how quickly they are answering the phones now. Miracles do happen, I presume lol. Even though I'm already 10 weeks, I get to go take a test to prove I am pregnant & then we will go from there. I'm quite excited, especially knowing that for the next couple of appointments, he will be there by my side -- hearing the little heartbeat & seeing our little lovebug on the ultrasound screen :) It means the world to me -- & I know it means even more to him.